The Alchemist

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Posts by The Alchemist

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  32

  Top Five Ways To Annoy WTS at Assembles

  by metatron in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i suppose you could annoy the watchtower simply by.

  doing the opposite of everything those dreary kingdom.

  ministries tell you every year - like let your kids.

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  The Alchemist

  Try rumours JW's love rumours.
  1) Start by spreading he rumour that a really big annoucement is going to take place. It is so secret that even the big honchos running the assembly don't know!
  2) When the time is right tell them what it is... The ancient worthies are about to make there entrance!!
  3) Next say this advent is to proceeded by the none other seventh Laodicean messanger himself... Charles Taze Russell!!!
  4) Walk into the back of the assembly wearing a toga and sporting a white beard and say in a loud voice "WHERE IS MY PYRAMID?!!!"
  5) Walk slowly to the front and turn and point at the crowd and say "WHAT HAVE DONE WITH MY RELIGION?!!!"
  6) This part gets tricky as you will need an accomplice. Find some 50ish man who has a startling resemblance to WC Fields clothes and all.
  7) As this man enters from the right mount the platform and say; "IT IS YOU! JOE RUTHERFORD MY DRUNKEN SHYSTER LAWYER!!! HAVE YOU COME BACK FROM THE DEAD TO TORMENT ME AND STEAL MY RELIGION FROM ME FOR THE SECOND TIME?!!!"
  8) At this time have your accomplice rush the platform with a broken wiskey bottle screaming obscenties and saying "DOWN WITH YOU YOU PYRAMID LOVING, CROSS WEARING, MIRICLE WHEAT SELLING, CHILD MOLESTER!!!!"
  9) At this point fake blood everywhere.
  10) As you lay in a crumpled mass of white bed sheets and red dyed syrup your accomplice with broken beer bottle in one and a microphone in another says in a boozy voice; "THE CHILD MOLESTING COVERUPS STOP NOW!"
  11) Get some attendents to carry you out and drop you in the nearest alley.
  12) Come back as a nerd in an out of style suit with a pinched look on your face. Have Rutherford introduce as his seer Fred Franz.
  And then the fun begins!
  Dave
  

  8) At this point have your accomplice rush you with
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  25

  Please Be Seated

  by MoeJoJoJo in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  remember those signs the brothers used to carry around the conventions in the corridors during the sessions?

  "quiet please".

  "please be seated".

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  The Alchemist

  How about "Please use only one paper towel" or the butcher paper on the sisters mirrors so they wouldn't fix there makeup and hair. I guess all this is needed as we are all Jehovah's children (officially after the final test of 1000 years of course!) and we need to be treated as children.
  Dave
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  37

  "You can't sit there" (bad language)

  by Simon in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the "please be seated" post rememded me of our experiences at the last district assemblies we attended.. it was in the nynex / manchester evening news arena and it was hot ... damn hot.

  they were obviously being 'cheap' and not paying for the air conditioning to be turned on.. liam was a baby and was becoming unwell because of the heat.

  he was overheating badly which is pretty dangerous at that age so we stripped him off and took him out up the steps to the concourse.

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  The Alchemist

  I think of the Pasadina assembly September 1963. I was ten years old. It started at 9:AM and ended at 9:30 PM. Unless some high ranking windbag got going and then proper timing went out the window or stadium. 3 1/2 hour sessions, 118,000 people an all bleacher seats everywhere. Got home at midnight because of the traffic jams (mostly in the parking lot). 8 days of this madness! Even rain all day on Wednesday but that was better than the 100 degree heat the rest of the time. People were dropping like flies from heat stroke.
  Then there was the Kansas city assembly of July 1969, held during the first moonwalk (not Jackson's Armstrong's). The Black Panthers tried breaking that one up but us brothers chased them out of the parking lot. I remember I guy holding an American flag and a sign saying "There is an American Flag on the Moon why not Here?" Why? because we were all a bunch of American Flag hating loonies.
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  7

  Evolution Theory about Rainbows is.....

  by U.2.K. in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  once again stupid.. i read this book today about how evolution works, blah, blah... once again evolution shows it's ignorance and it got started by foolish humans who knoweth nothing at all... .

  they say rainbows only come out when and after it rains.. bs, cause just month i seen 2 rainbows together in the sky, in the afternoon, and it did not rain at all, infact it was'nt suppose to rain anyway... the facts: rainbows are from yahweh, but since christ is king right now, he brings out the rainbows, cause it's love and it's a sign of righteous.... so evolution can kiss my ass.. .

  btw y"all i was praying to jehovah god & jesus christ today, that i hope one day before armageddon, can you bring out some rainbows at night.. that would be cool, can y'all picture that?

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  The Alchemist

  Great Post!! I once followed a rainbow to is end hopeing to find a pot of gold. But rather I found an old suitcase full of WTBS 'Evolution books!' Pretty cool!
  Dave
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  21

  Just The FACTS Please!!

  by Unclepenn1 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this is a new post but the continuation of a thread that was called 'wanting to believe in god'.

  i thought the information was important, so i figured it would be best to start something new, rather than hijack a previous topic.

  two people made similar comments, which i believe to be mistaken, and not what the facts of history tell us.

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  The Alchemist

  GREAT GREAT Post!! Thank you! There is a lot of unbalanced thinking in regard to Christian missionaries and workers. Few look at the good that they have done for humanity. Thanks for your work. I am going to print this out and save it
  Dave
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  17

  WT PR- We Offer Release Of Information

  by silentlambs in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  watchtower has stated they wish to reveal no information about the upcoming judicial hearing being conducted against those who are on the dateline program.

  they say they are confined to ecclesial privilege and are unable to offer to the public any information other than it is not related to silentlambs but has to do with some other infraction that breaks gods law.

  with the statement below we ask watchtower to release to everyone any charges or information about breaking gods law they have against carl and barbara pandelo, barbara anderson, and william h. bowen.

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  The Alchemist

  Bill I am proud of you. I think you have accomplished what others before have been unable to do and that is to make the WT Society sweat. I think they are digging themselves into a deeper hole everyday. They must be frantic from fear and embarassment and are forgeting the terrible PR they are doing to themselves.
  There is a saying "that if you are being run out of town by a mob pretend you are leading a parade." The smart thing for them to do is to ralley behind you and clean out the snake pit.
  Again, I am proud of you.
  Dave
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  9

  JW needs another disaster!

  by astroboy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i'm a new poster and i know this subject has been touched on many times before after 911, but its amazing that a terrorist act that killed so many seemed to inject a little spark in many jws.

  my jw brother (mini-servant) called the morning of the disaster and his first words to me was "i'm glad i'm on jehovah's side!

  "...duh what does jehovah got to do with that!

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  The Alchemist

  I remember 11 years ago old Saddam was launching Scud missles at Israel. I wasn't as much excited as I was scared because I wasn't doing the "truth." But the other witnesses I knew were giddy from the excitement.
  If I ever hear the statement again "You can feeeel we are deeeep into the time of the end" I am going to get sick. Thats all they got is their feelings. Why heck 1914 (all rubbish) doesn't mean anything anymore. Using their date and their new understanding the end times could go on another 100 or 1000 years!
  But I do feeeel something. We are deeeep into something and it comes from the "end."
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  24

  Getting my feet wet

  by Soledad in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i have been lurking here for about 3 months or so, and i guess i finally decided today to jump on in and join the board.

  i dont want to make this post too long, but just to give you all a background......i was born in 1975 to a jw mother and non believing father.

  i have one younger brother.

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  The Alchemist

  Welcome to the board.
  We share something in common besides the x thing. I joined yesterday and I think it is my 3rd post.
  So welcome again
  The Alchemist
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  25

  WTS Hypocrisy Digging Their Own Grave WT 6/15/02

  by Reborn2002 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i received the 6/15/02 watchtower in the mail today.. for those that do not know, 2005 is the new predicted end date for this "system of things.".

  reference: .

  http://quotes.jehovahswitnesses.com/2005.htm.

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  The Alchemist

  I'm still trying to figure out 1935! 1914 at least had WW1 to make it look somewhat valid but what about 1935? I know, it's like the Watchtower quoting it's old back issues to prove its self correct. But 1935? So they had a new understanding then, so what. We had a new understanding in 1995 and 1975 for that matter. Perhaps they should be new anchor dates also. Well "95 was for me and that was when I seen clearly what a lot of nonsence this all is.
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  28

  I feel so guilty

  by Leander in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  these past few weeks i've spent a lot of time trying to decide how i want to proceed with the rest of my life.

  one of my first decisions to carry out is to break free from the wts.

  even though i've been a life long witness i feel no guilt or hesistation in leaving the only religion i've ever known.

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  The Alchemist

  Hey I know how you feel. Turning 30 makes you think. It happened to me. But I got over it and wasted another dozen years waiting for the big "A". I eventually got divorced. Lost all my JW "friends." My ex-wife turned the children against me. Apostacy charges did'nt help. My own mother is afraid of talking to me in case someone finds out. My ex-wife gets 35% of my income (for 1 more year) the government gets another 35%. I even lost my beautiful house, but I cound'nt afford it anyway. I feel battered but believe it or not I am happy.
  If you tackle the religious issue first some of the guilt will go away. Remember that scripture? "Adultresses do you not know that friendship with the world is emity with God?" I think adultry can be more than sexual. It can mean putting your religion, an organization or the world before your God or mate.
  Remember that when the JW tactics begin you will see some changes in the love.
  Lot of good advise in the above posts.
  Your post got me out of the shadows watching and send you my first post